A Rant

WARNING!! This is SERIOUSLY a bit of a rant! More positivity next time is definitely needed. PS...look above under my header for Kristina's Take ;) One of my best friends! She's so smart...and we definitely have different lives and points of view. love it, love her. Kristina and I at Temple Square in Salt Lake City, UT. Isn't it beautiful?


OK....it was late! When I say "reading" this, I obviously mean watching this. And...by ALL of my brothers...I mean...both of my brothers. Wow...I just listened to this again...I was definitely on a soap box...as I get when it's late...and I'm tired. I don't blame you if you don't listen to the whole thing ;) Love you all!

In Mah Car...Waiting for the Brother ;)

Yee haw...I love Thanksgiving!

Day 2 of Vlogging :)

Since I didn't say anything about it in my video...obviously...still no men....obviously...I mean...it's been what...a few days? haha. PS...does anyone have any advice on how to make talking to a camera not so awkward? It's hard for me to not have to re-do my video a few times to make sure I don't sound too fake...lol...(should I picture my best friend while I'm talking?...haha) Kthanksbye!

Back HOME!

Will a video blog be better? If anything...it will be easier...and much easier overrall to just say what I want to say...when I want to say it :) Good nightly journal, anyway...enjoy!

The World is NOT Perfect...And Neither Are YOU!

See link above (click the title of the post ;)....girls, watch this movie!!! Seriously. I'll come back to the point I want to make about this flick later on in my post.

But, first thing! WHO...in their RIGHT MIND...thought that Jamee Lee could EVER stick to being grounded from men?! Like....WHO? Seriously, though. I suck. I can't stick to that to save my life. WELL...at least I didn't think I could...which is why I didn't.

Every girl needs good guy friends. It's true, though. I know...it's actually almost virtually impossible to have guy friends that are exactly that - just friends. But, every once in awhile, they do come in handy. And NO...I'm not talking about for cuddle sessions or arm candy...or...those random make-outs...haha...but seriously...don't do that ;) Anyway, what I'm talking about is for good advice, from a real man, when absolutely, completely necessary.

So, I had YET AGAIN...set another date during the time that I was not supposed to be dating - i.e....the date would have been this Friday. With a guy that I've gone on some dates with before. Well, every once in awhile...ok...pretty often, I get really hyper! (Esp. at night! I'm a complete night owl.) So, I texted said guy curious to see what he was up to...needing an adventure, cause he's usually good for random fun-ness. Long story short he ended up coming to my place and we started talking on my balcony. Right when I mentioned my current dating situations and the plan that I HAD made to take a break, but that I couldn't do it, he interrupted with, "No! You need to do it. If I had the choice I'd rather take Jamee who knows who she is, what she wants and at her best than Jamee right now. If there are things that you feel you need to work on/figure out, then do it!" WOW. And then he proceeded to get on his soapbox about my worth/Heavenly Father's plan for me/how negativity is from Satan and that I need to push it away. And, yes, I let him stay on that soapbox for awhile. I decided as long as he continued to make valid points I wouldn't interrupt. Well, I didn't interrupt and eventually he had to leave because it was getting late. What a good man and great friend! Thank you ;)

SO...my dating break is now reaffirmed. If I'm going to be my BEST self...figure out why everything keeps going sour for me (bleh!) and remember how AWESOME I am, then I need time and space! A good start will be spending this 4th of July weekend with my parents and family in Boise! Yipppeeee for people that love you no matter what! ah...family ;) "Hey I'm a dumb head...but you love me anyway!"

Ok...back to this SUPER cute movie with Hilary Duff! I know..you're thinking...Hilary Duff...really, Jamee?...yeah...I don't think so. BUT...WAIT! Listen...I know she's a Disney actress gone mainstream but what I love about her is she's cute, she's a real woman..i.e...not too skinny!, she's always SO loveable in all of her movies, and...well...I just want her as my best friend! She always chooses such upbeat roles. Me gusta.

So, the movie is about lists....WOMEN! Why do we make LISTS?...why? Seriously. How insane can you be? Why would we make lists that no human being yet alone super hero could ever measure up to?! Good way to never get married...make a list and never date any guy except the one that meets all expectations. Have fun with your cats, ladies!....meeeeow...coughcough...furball. Throw them out! Say it with me...I'm not perfect, so why should I expect perfection? And bytheway...if you DO think you're perfect, try again! Come off your high horse and really take a look in the mirror. Sure, you're funny, interesting, educated hopefully!, talented, beautiful...blah, blah, blah. But please! See men as they really are...they're people. They aren't perfect. They're not all going to fit your little list of requirements. Seriously...and hopefully they DON'T! Because, when is the last time you had fun with a LIST?!...grocery shopping? bleh.

Be grateful you're NOT perfect! Just the way you were meant to be. ;) Embrace it, and keep striving to become better. Love you for who you are, don't try to be anyone you're not and you'll find the right man. I'm working on it. Let's do it together ;)

Love you!

James

My Bad!

So, obviously I didn't do the one date a night thing. Ok...my bad...sorry for kinda lying.... :( After I had decided to do this, I talked with a few more people whom I respect and decided that it may not be the best decision. For many different reasons, I ended up deciding against it. Not that I don't still date...because...GOODNESS KNOWS...I do! Or...I had been. Right now I'm trying to take a break for a minute...but we know how that goes, especially with me. They NEVER last. Breaks. haha. yeah...nope! So, because they don't I decided to ground myself. "Jamee! You're grounded, dangit! Stop making bad decisions! Seriously...though...no really, stop it."
SO, I'm grounded. Let's just say that it's hard, and I'm really not perfect at it. I've even (accidentally?) gone on a date during it...um...oops? Bah! The fact is, that if I don't give myself time off I definitely won't figure out what I need to. I won't figure out why I can't communicate correctly in a realtionship or what I'm doing wrong while in one that leads it astray. I need to take this time to figure myself out....AGAIN....at 29...ALMOST 30...geez. Really??! Really.
So, let's just face the facts. I didn't grow up in the best of circumstances to know how to correctly communicate in an emotional/physical relationship. And hey...maybe my friendships aren't too hot as well?...I don't know. BUT, all I know that this time is for ME, to spend with myself. It's time for me to get to know and accept ALL of me...not just the surface stuff. This whole self-discovery thing kinda sucks sometimes...but it must be done. Then, I will realize how smart, beautiful, amazing, fun and talented I really am. I will realize all of the beautiful traits that Heavenly Father has given me and I will once again want to share them with others. But I need to know what they are and love those things, to do that. So....moral is...LOVE WHO YOU ARE! You are amazing. I love you all.

It's ON!

One date a night for a week. I'll have to start this NEXT wk...since we're already partly through the week ;) Thanks everyone for giving feedback!...I got more "Heck Yes!'s" than...."If She Wants To"...but I got a few of those, too. So...why not?!

K...let's start this thing ;)

PS...some of my dates might be working out at the gym...since sometimes that's the only extra thing I can fit in my day around work...lol.

Love you ALL!

Honesty

So...I wrote the title for this link awhile ago when I was going through some....well...trying times ;) I'm glad I didn't write anything then, because my outlook has changed IMMENSELY. I love that don't you?...a change in attitude brings a change in life.

I've found some new hobbies lately...ok...new hobby actually....LOL. Baking! I love love love making anything sweet and tasty, breads...etc. Kneading really gets out the anger! haha See below for an experiment I did just today, actually!



Don't ask me how I come up with ideas for what I'm going to make...they kind of just appear out of thin air, but I usually find recipes off . This time I found the yummy oreo-like cream for the middle off a stay at home dad's website.... They are EXTREMELY rich...so I'm glad I've gotten my Gold's Gym membership back recently and have been kind of psycho about getting in shape again! My friend and I love to go together ;)...we have a super great time! She's an amazing friend and example to me, love her tons ;)

SO...as usual I'm dating a TON, but nothing. I mean...hmmm...how do I say this?...I'm just not sure? I really don't despise dating as much as I've let on to, really...BUT...it just gets a little monotonous. I imagine most of you will agree, there?

As you can tell I'm a pretty religious person...and I know most if not all of you that read this article are to some degree as well. Well, our church has been going through a sort of change lately. In this past year or so they have re-organized all of our single adult congregations to no longer have students and non-students separated. For some reason they had them separated before...don't ask me why. Anyway, I now belong to a new congregation with new faces...and I'm COMPLETELY excited! We finally found out with whom/where we'd be meeting just today. So next week starts it all of. They say it's to help find those who have fallen away and to find our eternal companions...i.e....marriage! hahaha...well...what I'm REALLY excited about is the opportunity to serve in a new group of people. I can't tell you how excited I am! And, you know...if I happen to meet the Mr. for me along the way, then....yippppeee!

Anyway...I have an idea...I was thinking while I was baking today...I've grown up being pretty old-fashioned with the whole...I don't ask guys on dates thing. I'm tired of it and want to do a fun experiment. For one week I want to go on one date a night. Whether I'm asked out by the guy or I ask someone out doesn't matter. So...I will flirt my little heart out to get asked and if I don't...then I'll ask! I want to blog about each date after they happen to see the difference between if I ask or get asked.

What do you think?? I put up a pole...say yea or nay ;)

Love you all!

Here's a face for you!

The older I get...the more I realize. Recent realization...my personality is not always easy to handle. Wait until you've known me for awhile...I calm down :)

NEW DATE!

Yes...I had an awesome fun date tonight! Maybe I'm not boring after all ;)

PSPSSS...This guy thinks my voice is wonderful...I absolutely love compliments! They can keep me going for SO long! Feeling important is key people...key

ppppsss...don't forget to get my CD with the "Buy Now" button at the upper left. Ok...now I promise I'm done selling my darn CD...back to business with finding the right man! Tonight was a possibility...total possibility...will get back to you on this.

Night!...or...should I say...morning ;)

My CD

So...the story goes...

I was at my roommate's church activity one night and they were having a service auction. We were having a good time...listening to people auction off fun things like "dinner for four", car washes and pies.
But then I heard one that made my stomach flip..."A Day in the Studio." No...freaking....way! And of course, as usual...I was poor! My brother, the sweet man that he is, said, "You have to have that! I'll help you buy it." So, after raising my hand a million times it felt like, I got a whole day in the studio for $65. Unheard of! The only thing about this is a REAL demo takes a long, long time. Not only one day. So...we had twenty-four hours to lay down some tracks and I had no idea what to expect. I had all these songs in mind...some covers...some originals...etc. But when I got there, I played about 6 songs and he chose three originals. He told me the problem with covers is there's always a better version out there somewhere. SO...3 originals later...and one cover I kept solely for myself :)..since I can't legally distribute it...I had a CD.

It took 9 hours...9 hours! The only real instruments on this CD are my voice and my guitar...that's it! The rest of the instruments are from his amazing MAC Computer. I want one! This man was genius and I thank him for everything he did! He brought my simple songs to life. Although my voice is not in peak condition...(I'm currently taking voice lessons again to bring it back from the dead)...I'm proud with the finished product! I hope you all love it, because I had a great time! My favorite track is track 3...the very first song I ever wrote...crazy.

I love you all!

The History of Valentine's Day

So...since this day of love is upon us I thought it only necessary that someone research WHY this holiday is celebrated and WHERE it came from! This is a very quick post so...let's hope the information is accurate...haha...

Basically...in a nutshell...Valentine's Day is named after a bishop, named St. Valentine, who married Roman soldiers secretly, against Emperor Claudius II's wishes. This was during a time when the Roman empire was in great distress while trying to fight off enemies from all sides. Emperor Claudius II issued a law forbidding soldiers to be wed, because he believed it made them weak. The soldiers, when thinking of marriage, would seek out St. Valentine, who did not agree with this decree, and marry them in secret.

Eventually the secret became known, and he was executed on Feb. 14, 270 AD. But, not before he signed a letter to his dear friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine." There are two versions of this story that differ in certain areas, but these are the few areas that they agree on.

Some of us have mixed feelings of this holiday...growing up I never really liked it, having been dumped on and right before the holiday over and over...BUT...the older I get the more I appreciate it and the more I appreciate love itself.

No, I'm not great at giving gifts...ask my family :) But, I hope I get better at showing my love and affection.

In closing I just want to share this wonderful poem...for those of you down in the dumbs during this day of celebration and adoration...


Oh Me! Oh Life!

Oh me! O life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless traines of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the
foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish
than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the
struggle ever renew’d
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I
see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me
intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring–What good amid these,
O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here–that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

by Walt Whitman

I absolutely LOVE this poem. It's poignant and meaningful. Life is wonderful! We MUST embrace it.

Broken Much?

What's not a surprise?

Well, that I blog about my life on the internet...so openly. That's not a surprise. Everyone says I think out loud...for a fact, I know I do. Thoughts don't really exist in my head in a complete FORMED thought until I talk them out. I know...I'm weird.

Number two not a surprise is the fact that, yesterday I could be dating someone...and, now... I could not be. You take that as you may. And...yes...>> you're right.

I'm just going to put a little interjection in here and say that I pray that the guy/man/boy...whatever... that I end up marrying one day will completely appreciate this blog for what it is...fun :)...because I'm a super open person. The fact is that I need a FORUM to express how I feel!! Do you understand what I mean? ;)

And how I feel is...I don't know...confusion. I'm super content in almost all areas of my life right now. Work is great, friends are superb, church is heavenly ;) and my bills are getting paid off! Besides that, I guess everything else is the same so I shouldn't be surprised.

But the fact is, that I haven't found a man that loves me for me! I have a wonderful brother that says I never stay with a guy long enough to let him know the real me...thanks, brother...you're awesome...and you're right...I need to put more effort into relationships and not just move on when they're not fun anymore.

And this last time, I really feel like I did! I feel that I put more effort into it this time than I ever have before. And, well that makes me feel good about myself...but also disappointed that it didn't bring more results...just more confusion. But...maybe next time? I have learned patience and effort are key. It's not always a cake walk people!...but I know it gets better :)

The fact is...I am who I am!! I'm fun, spontaneous, flirtatious, tall, blonde, old....er....*ha*, adventurous, smart and somewhat talented :). But I also have my negatives! I'm talkative (too much at times), overwhelming, impatient, opinionated, quick to react and I'm sure many other things! BUT I'm completely willing to work on these things. Some things make me...well...ME. I won't give those things up - not for anything or anyone. But, other things aren't as important! Although I like being talkative, sometimes it's overwhelming...there are pluses and negatives people. We all need to be willing to sacrifice to become our best selves. We can't hold on to those things about us that hold us back from becoming GREAT. A patient, loving, caring man makes me even greater and want to change those things about myself that aren't so great.

So, don't be afraid! Stop settling for the less-than-great you....because you're sublime...superb and there's always someone that loves you for you, and sees your potential! I love you for you...for sure ;)

You know, I was going to write a lot more...but I feel good about ending it on this note....
Answer me this!...
Who has made you even greater?...and how??

Hiatus...

So, I've been on a type of hiatus I guess you could say. Not knowing what to write...making out with random guys again...and then finding a great one. I was pretty confused as to what I did to deserve spending time with this so-called great one....so...here's a list.

1. I was tired of dating.
2. The End.

NO...seriously....really....that's kind of it. I grew up being the "social butterfly", planning the parties or always knowing about them. I didn't understand why anyone would ever want to stay in, when they could go out! One Summer in particular I was the one people always called because I knew what was happenin' in town.

Anyway, I found myself sitting at work one day when, during lunch, my work friend texts and asks me if I like shy guys. Eh...I've had my share of them...one REALLY backfired on me because I think he thought I was embarrassing with how loud I'd get at parties. And obviously the others hadn't panned out. But, I was willing to try it anyway. So....I said..."I could." Anyway...long story short...he's no one I'd ever have picked for myself because I obviously suck at picking guys for myself...I'm still single. So, I completely enjoy it when people set me up!

This is what happens when person A sets person B up with person C.
Person A: Wow...person B is cool!
Wow...person C is cool! I'd better set person B up with person C because they'd never be smart enough to see the cool things in each other without me. I'm awesome!

And yes, person A is awesome. Thank you!

The problem is...we're not able to see the great things in ourselves all the time. Or, the things that would make us compatible with others. Often we go out to look for a person of the opposite sex and go..."HEY.....they're hot! Owow!" And then our libidos find a connection and we forget about compatibility. That's something that's just supposed to appear later down the road, right?! I mean...if this connection (mostly physical) is supposed to last past a few dates...compatibility will appear!....out of thin air! We're smart cookies.

So...back to the story of sexy person C. We're set up! It goes well...we go out...over and over and over again. Yes...still. I know! And the best part of the whole story is...he's a better guy than I would have ever thought I deserved. I would have judged him if I picked him for myself and thought he'd never go out with me or think I'm good enough...because I'm loud...and have kissed too many guys. But....guess what? He's sweet...caring...understanding (important!!)...forgiving...and non-judgmental. And so far...it's tons of fun :)

Who knows! But, the thing is...I had to get sick of dating so much that I'd been enjoying hanging out at home more than going out. And that was just ODD to me...I didn't understand myself. But, I've figured out it's ok, because, eventually you have to get sick of dating everyone, to ever just want to date one person.

Love you all! That's the story for now.

PS...I recorded a kinda Demo....yeah...trying to follow my dreams somewhat in that area, too...oh life! How exciting!