A Long Time in the Making

    Today I realized that I haven't written a blog post in awhile...although I am up doing homework, trying to frantically keep up with this (my last!!) semester - I just can't seem to stay focused - I kept feeling a need to start up my blog once again.

 

     So...here you have it. Whatever THIS is. I honestly have not thought through what to write today except to say "hello." I am alive! I am finally graduating University in May...I have definitely taken tooooooooo much time off here and there...and here and there again! :)

   

    I am coming to understand myself more every day. Through my classes at college

I am realizing my weaknesses and strengths in how I communicate...not only how I communicate myself in general, but what this also says to others. I have been made to think a few things - Am I too forward? Do I speak too much out of turn? Am I too competitive in conflict situations? 

 

    This leads me to think of more Christian, spiritual questions...Am I a good friend? Do I give enough service? Do I share the Gospel often enough and at the right times? I pray that these questions can more than not be answered "yes" than "no".

 

    At the end of this year I plan to move to Virginia. I am excited because this will bring a welcome change and I will finally have the opportunity to spend time with my MTC (Missionary Training Center) companion and all of her children whom I have never met! The last time I saw her was on her wedding day, back in 2005 or 2006? Since then she has had more than a few children and is pregnant once again. It will be so great to get to know her once again in this new stage of life. I am definitely excited! Yet, I am reluctant.

 

    I feel that when I finally get comfortable where I am at, when I am really beginning to make friends and spend time with them, and grow close to them - especially my girl friends - I leave them. Sometimes this is brought on by my own uneasiness in living somewhere for too long as I love change, but sometimes it is because I feel it is time to move or more specifically that Heavenly Father is leading me somewhere new. I don't always know where that "new" place is, and I definitely have made some wrong decisions in the past as to where I am supposed to move to...so...let's just say that I'm still praying about Virginia ;)

 

    I don't want to leave the Boise LDS Institute Choir with which I have grown so fond of being a part of. Not only do amazing people belong to it every time I have had the opportunity to be involved, but the spirit that I feel there is amazing. Sometimes we all need a little bit of spiritual nourishment, even when we don't realize we need it! I have often sung in a performance or practice with this choir, not realizing I needed to commune with my Heavenly Father, and been sometimes literally struck by the power of the spirit, bringing me peace, a feeling of comfort and a sweet calm that overcomes me. I love the peace that the spirit brings, and the joy that a knowledge of the gospel brings.

    Also, although I am definitely an independent child, I have definitely grown closer to my mom and step-dad this time around. Going through a time of figuring myself out a bit more has caused me to be more in-tune with others as well, and has definitely caused a closer relationship with my family in many ways...I love them so much! 

 

   Since I wrote last I have also begun working with children as my main source of income. This income is definitely hit-and-miss but I have been extremely blessed to have steady work. I think Heavenly Father knew that I needed a break from corporate America...(haha!!)...but seriously, I did not try as hard as I should have to become somewhat self-employed as a nanny-for-hire :) I was definitely blessed, and have learned more than I EVER thought I could as to how to be a good mother, and how to raise my children in the right way. My needs of having children are fulfilled enough to not be a burden and pressure when in the dating world. It is SO nice to feel fulfilled in that way and be able to be more fully myself :)

 

  With these random thoughts in the universe...:)...I would ask you what you have done lately to feed your soul? This may seem like a pretty corny/cheesy question, but I am asking it anyway! What have you done to fulfill you? In service to others, furthering education in any capacity, not being afraid to love, and being a good friend and family member, we can fill our own "love buckets"...I am lucky...right now, mine is pretty full :)

 

Love you ;-)

 

Jamee