Hi! I'm a Latter-Day-Saint (Mormon)...but I'm definitely not typical...

Friday, May 11

Thoughts As I'm Doing the Dishes...

Tonight...I was doing the dishes. As I was doing the dishes, I thought about my life. I thought about the people who come over to my house and how so often...well, every single time, there are dirty dishes. I apologize for the dishes and the mess that is my house every time. Every. Single. Time. Then I thought about how I don't care...because I refuse to be the mom who, after working in an office the whole day, comes home and cleans. As I was doing the dishes tonight, I realized that my son was cuddling with our cat on my bed while watching Octonauts and I wasn't in there! I wasn't with him! So, as usual, I stopped doing the dishes and spent time with him. He would go to bed soon and I wouldn't get to spend that time with him anymore. My time is limited. My time with my children is SO limited each week...I can't be that kind of parent who cleans when I could love on them. SO....my house is dirty. That is my house...and now that explains why it's the way it is. So...in case you come over anytime soon, don't wonder. Now you know.


Then, I started thinking about my husband. I do this often, especially when he's gone. He and I have a weird relationship sometimes. We are SO different...polar opposites in some things that would make things so much easier if we were more similar in those areas...it makes me laugh. But, isn't that life?! Being LDS/Mormon, we really didn't date long or get to know each other very well until after we were married. Getting engaged a month after you meet and then married 4 months later doesn't give anyone much time to get to know someone on a deeper level, really. Anyway, as I was doing dishes, I thought...for the millionth time since I've married Clayton...what was I thinking?! WAS I thinking??...before I married a guy who was in the military and wanted to be a cop...was I thinking, at all?! I had NO idea what it meant. I didn't know how often we would have to go without talking...a couple weeks here and a couple weeks there. We are in another of those times right now. No talking until the 19th...yeah ok. That's fun. What was I thinking?!

Then hindsight kicked in. I got one of those "glimpses" tonight as to why I have gone through some of the things I have in this life. It was very clear to me tonight...why a lot of the things have happened in my life have happened. The very first thing that came to my mind was my age. I was 32 when I married Clayton...he was 26. I had dated a LOT, had my heart broken many times, had a couple failed engagements. I'd been put through the ringer with relationships a little. Nothing abusive, but LOTS of heartbreak. I had also been raised by an independent, single, mother. I understood tonight why. The whys all came together and told me...with Heavenly Father's inspiration...I had to go through those things, and it took time...so I was older when I got married. I had to be wise. I had to go through very difficult, trying times...heartbreak...depression...financial burden...etc...to be ready for marriage with my sweet Clayton. I have learned determination, perseverance, understanding, acceptance/etc. through my challenges. But the MAIN thing that I have learned, through all of my life experiences, is to find happiness in my current situation, no matter what it is! I refuse to be negative, beat down, depressed/etc. over my current life situation, no matter what it is - I'm not perfect at this, but I've had lots of practice and it's a constant work in progress! I have such a strong desire to not be negative that mentally making myself go through a checklist of blessings in my life every so often helps me be happy!

It's amazing how Heavenly Father teaches us!! His blessings are so abundant...no matter our life circumstances. It's our choice to SEE those blessings. It's not been an easy time with Clayton gone since the beginning of this month. My kids have both been sick...back-to-back...but it's taught me that I can handle it on my own without dying! (Haha! But seriously...) Having sick kids has made time go a little faster. A blessing of him being gone is that I get to look forward to seeing my husband again...I always love seeing him again for the first time after he's been gone. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" isn't just a fun saying...it's so true! When he is gone, I'm caused to reflect on everything he does for me and our family (because I have to take over those duties when he's gone) and how lucky we are to have him. He's an amazing huband...he works 3 jobs usually without any days off for a long time...he insists on being involved with the kids when he is home and always desires to help with whatever I need. He sees things on such an equal plane...it's beautiful. I'm SO lucky. I'm SO blessed. I'm so glad that I was able to reflect on how my life has led me here, and how it's all worked out beautifully...exactly like it was meant to. I'm so glad that I was taught all of these things...as I was doing the dishes.