1. I am a beautiful daughter of God.
2. I have a family who loves me.
3. I am blessed beyond what I could have ever imagined.
4. I have been given an unconquerable spirit.
5. I have finally come to love everything about myself.
6. I am happy being single!
7. The man who makes me happier than I am on my own will be the one who gets my heart.
Sunday, July 14
1. I am a beautiful daughter of God.
Sunday, May 5
Alot has happened since my last post.
Not alot of great things.
Learning experiences though.
That I am trying to figure out.
My heart is a precious thing, and I need to only allow it to be treated with tender care. I have been told that any man would be lucky to be with me, and I just need to remember this...
So, for now...these are the lessons that I have learned...
--Follow the spirit.
--Honesty and integrity matter more than anything else...besides...honesty is a commandment, right? :) Intergrity=doing what is right when no one is looking...this is the definition I tell children and it is the best, I think!
--We choose who we love...it doesn't happen to us...we make that conscious choice - to put in the effort and make it worth it.
--I need to think twice before sharing my heart so quickly.
That being said...
There is SO much on the horizon!! I am graduating in a few weeks...ah!! On the 18th of May to be exact :) Grades haven't been fantastic this semester, as "senioritis" has played a big role in this last semester, and sadly been one of my closest friends. I will be definitely be getting one C this semester.
Here is my list of things to do this Summer! (Spiritual first :)
--Attend the temple more often
--Fulfill my calling better with the extra time I will have on my hands!
--Keep reading the Book of Mormon and add a church book/manual to my studies/reading as well.
--Pay more full attention to the children I nanny and less to technology.
--Book a few princess parties :) (I LOVE being a princess!!...too bad I am 2 inches too tall to be a Disney princess at either of the Disney parks...yes...I recently checked that :)
--Mtn Bike! I re-tore my ACL so I need to do sports which are low impact like biking and swimming.
--Spend alot of time outside with children! Play games and have fun :-)
--Have fun with friends.
--Don't sweat the small stuff.
John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
I am eternally grateful for my Savior and for His tender care. He continually wraps me in the arms of his love. I will ever be grateful for my life and the blessings which I receive. I will constantly strive to improve and learn from others.
ps I am so tired, I keep nodding off while writing this...so if it doesn't make any sense or is out of character for me to speak about...let me know!
You are all absolutely amazing.
I love you,
Tuesday, April 23
Tonight I looked at the night sky, which looked very similar to this, and thanked Heavenly Father for all of my wonderful blessings.
I would be remiss if I did not share some of the things that I have been feeling lately with all of you...or...the internet world...haha. This has become more of my journal, but I definitely need to pull out my actual personal journal and detail my experiences for my posterity...side note...check.
First of all, I want to point out how grateful I am that Heavenly Father has put me through the ringer. That seems odd, I know! I am so grateful for all of the awful and difficult times that I have been through. I know that without these difficult times, I wouldn't understand how amazing my life and my blessings can be!
Why is it so difficult sometimes to see the good in ourselves? Why does it seem that we need others in our lives to tell us those good things? There has been a video that was put out by Dove that has become viral...see it here - https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?v=177481002407692. My sweet, sweet older brother posted it to my Facebook wall and it made me quite emotional. I don't necessarily believe that this is a problem that only women face, although I believe it may be more obvious or prominent with us. We ALL compare ourselves either to others or who we WANT to become and beat ourselves up over...what?? Not being perfect?? Not measuring up to OTHERS expectations?? Let me tell you - PAUSE. Seriously...pause and REFLECT! Take in all that is good around you, and about yourself. It is not always easy...but if you actually listen to what other people have to say about you that is good, and go to your Heavenly Father in prayer and ask Him to help you see these things, then you will see them! I know, some people may be reading this who do not believe in prayer or God or what have you, but I am sure that you have a way to connect to whatever spiritual beliefs that you hold. Meditate. Ponder. See yourself for all that is good about you...and realize that we all have imperfections...and your life will be so much happier!
Mind you - it took me a good year, at least, to accomplish this. It was a daily task! For that long, I was only able to see my weaknesses and failures and it took effort. It will. That is ok. I believe in you. I love you.
So...with that said! Wow...I love to go on tangeants....these past few days my eyes have been opened to my Heavenly Father's plan for me in this life. It absolutely amazes me beyond words how much he loves and cares for each one of us...and even for me! As I said before, I am so grateful for my trials, because without them...I would not be where I am now. My life has been full of much heartbreak, a few failed engagements and disappointments. I have always felt that everyone has their own specific lot in life...whether heartbreak, death, sickness or other types of trials. I have not really experienced having someone extremely close to me pass away, nor have I endured much sickness (besides a bum knee). Heavenly Father has allowed my heart to be toyed with, pulled on, stomped on and taken advantage of. But he has also allowed it to be filled with love on numerous occassions.
I have always been interested in boys. Since I can remember I have thought they were just the neatest and cutest and attractive things on the planet. Yes, I was always one of those annoying girls who chased the boys around on the playground, and who seemed to always have a different "boyfriend" all throughout elementary school. I am not sure where this stemmed from, but I now see I was trying to fill some void possibly in the wrong way. I cannot answer the "how many boys have you kissed?" or "how many boyfriends have you had?" questions. Honestly...I hate them. They are pointless to me. There is more that matters. And I have no idea. I didn't understand what I was doing. I wish that I had.
As I have gotten older I have understood the important of relationships and respecting myself more. I must live to deserve what I want in this life - BECOME who I want to marry. This takes work, patience and diligence.
I have been blessed lately for trying. I have been fulfilled in my heart. I have been told how beautiful I am and how special I am. I have not understood how important it is to hear these things until now, and so often.
So tonight, as I was looking at the night sky, after having read the most amazing thing and realized my most amazing blessings, I thanked Heavenly Father for my trials, as it has made me more grateful for my blessings.
I am FULL of love. And...it is so peaceful finally. OH....and exciting. I love you all!!!
Thursday, April 18
Sometimes...late at night... when I let my mind wander, I allow myself to talk myself out of believing that anything amazing could ever happen to me.
"That only happens in fairy tales" I end up concluding.
"There is no way something this amazing could happen to me, because it never has before."
Why do we do that?? Why do I do that?!
This is a picture of me when I was serving a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons!) in Adelaide, Australia. This was the most amazing experience I have been blessed with in my life, to date.
And now I ask, "Really, Jamee?? Nothing amazing could ever happen to you?? Think again."
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for reminding me of my blessings.
I will try to be more positive tomorrow :)
Tuesday, April 16
I am sure many if not all of you have experienced being led or guided through your life through instinct, intuition, gut, God, Mother Nature..etc. I believe that the Holy Ghost/Holy Spirit leads and guides me as I allow His influence into my life. As a member of the Mormon (LDS) faith, I know that the Holy Ghost is a comforter, sent to me by a loving Heavenly Father so that I am not left alone to wander about throughout this life not knowing where to go. Although agency is given as a gift, sometimes I need more direction. Sometimes we ask friends and family to help us make decisions...yes...but I believe that my Heavenly Father will listen to any question, problem, pleas, etc. that I bring before Him and lead me with the spirit (Holy Ghost) to where I need to go and what decisions are the best.
Ok, with this in mind, NOW I will tell you my experience. Awhile ago I went through a difficult time...well, not even that long ago. It all started around January of 2010. I went through a difficult time with heartbreak and finances and went into a bit of a tail spin. I didn't realize what was going on inside of me until about July or August of 2011 when I was living in SLC, Utah and called my mom and said..."I think I'm depressed." She told me she already knew and had tried to let me know but I guess I was just not quite ready to hear it.
I set in motion an insane work-out routine with a personal trainer, met with a counselor a few times, spent alot of time alone baking, went through ten-sessions of massage called structural integration (VERY deep tissue), and spent time with my brothers to eventually pull myself out of it. It took patience, determination and perseverance. It is amazing what a little work can do :) I definitely hesitate to share all of this in such detail but feel at the moment that I must and hopefully someone is meant to benefit from it all. As I was living in Utah I had planned to spend at least one more year there before moving back to Boise, ID to finish school. One night I had a dream. It was poignant...it was colorful...I can still see the carpet and even what type it was...it was just so real. It was a dream within a dream. As I talked to friends about it I decided to post it on Facebook and my mom said..."Do you think someone is trying to tell you something?" Never before in my life had I imagined that I would receive personal revelation from my Heavenly Father through a dream. It was obvious through this dream that I was on the wrong path and needed to return back to Boise, ASAP. I waited 4 months until my lease was up, then moved back to Boise. Little did I know I only had 2 more semesters before I could graduate :)
The point of all of this is to let you know that I know there is a Heavenly Father who loves us!! I truly believe that I was far enough on the wrong path that I was not able to receive the impressions from the spirit that I needed and therefore was blessed with a dream.
Because I moved back to Boise, I have been blessed with the opportunity to join Institute Choir, which is like a church choir composed of mostly young single adults who are attending religious classes at an Institute building across from the university camps. I was also asked to lead the choir as one of their Student Directors this semester and it was such a blessing to me! Since I am graduating and older I will be done with choir after this semester and it definitely has pulled with my heart strings. Also, I have formed stronger friendships than I would have ever expected I could with some girl friends here in Boise. I have formed many friendships but these have been the best for me by far. I have met such wonderful supportive people, I could not have asked for more. Also I have started my own business since I have been living here...MY OWN BUSINESS?! I am not an entrepreneur, people!! At least...I never would have thought that I could be. Caring for beautiful children...so fun and such a blessing!!
And to think...I would have been waiting in Utah probably still twiddling my thumbs at this time.
Heavenly Father's plan is GREATER than mine...there is no doubt about that!
Love you all dearly :)
Thursday, April 11
Well, in thinking about this blog post, I seriously debated whether or not I would keep my blog private or public. There is SO MUCH on my mind that I want to be specific and say "blah blah blah" happened with "Blah" and then..."blah!!" So there are all of the juicy details!! BUT...this does not need to be an open forum for my extremely personal life. Sorry T Swift but I am not you...I do not have the bravery to say exact names and circumstances. The last thing I would want would be for the person I decide to write about to come across my blog and possibly feel offended or not like that I have been so public with something that they may have wanted to keep private. I have defnitely learned to not be that way from past experiences. But I will tell you all that my natural tendencies are to just lay EVERYTHING out there and go..."whew! That feels better! Now...have fun with all of THAT information that I just threw up to you." haha. True...but not always necessary :)
Anyway, with that being said, I want to be able to keep my blog public so that those who may be interested in the workings of a brain like mine, or interested at all in the Mormon/LDS religion, and what we are all about, or at least what I am about, then they have something hopefully fun and interesting to read. :) AND...it is good practice for me to always be kind, nice and accepting of all. We all have our judgmental tendencies and I truly pray that I am improving in being more accepting of all.
Now that I have told you all of that I am trying to remember what was pressing on my brain so much that I had to jump on my blog to tell you about it! Um...um...um...ohoh. Well...how do I say this? Sometimes I ruminate on things that don't need to be analyzed. Like earlier, for example. I was thinking of all that has happened in the past little while with my life and all that is coming up. I finally returned to Boise over a year ago to finally complete school after not having realized I had been gone for 3 years already after a mini-hiatus, and I graduate on May 18th! Ok...I may have mentioned these things already, but they cause me to stop and think. Forgive me but I am going to ramble on in a million different directions and nothing may connect...
I love children and especially babies! I think this may be preeeeettty obvious to those of you who know that I have been running my own childcare/princess party business since July of last year. Precious Princess Services is how I have made money since then and is the only job that I have survived off of. I work regularly for two families and absolutely LOVE my time with them! I remember being afraid to watch children back in the day because I thought if I did I would get sick of kids and not want my own. HA! What was I thinking?! Hanging out with children definitely fulfills my needs and makes me less of an "I want to get married to have babies" kind of girl. I think it has made me more of an "I definitely don't want 6 kids any more" type of girl. hahaha! But, that being said, whatever Heavenly Father wants for me, I will accept! Honestly, I accept this. I love my life as it is! I have amazing opportunities to serve, love, lead, learn, etc. and can't imagine having more opportunities like that!
Recently we watched General Conference which is on twice a year - when our prophet, Thomas S. Monson, and his counselors and the twelve apostles speak to us, as well as any others high in authority in the church. I was SO SO touched and happy with the talk by Elder Jefferey R. Holland (an all-time favorite) who spoke about not being "fake" but moving forward with whatever faith that you have and building upon it. He said that we have more faith than we know. I LOVE that message! The whole thing :) I try to keep my heart and mind on the fact that I know that there is a specific plan for me in this life and that as I pray to be guided I may continue to fulfill this plan. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng - The whole talk can be found here...and that is just what I took from it. Obviously, we all take what we want and need from everything that we come across in life...that is the amazing thing about perspective and agency!
There was so much more on my mind but I believe that it is shutting down since it's almost 2am! I love all of you so much! Anyone who I may not know...I love you as well :)
Friday, March 22
I wish that I could say at 31 I've pretty much figured myself out. No one can actually say that. I believe that there will always be people out there who definitely think they have completely figured themselves out, buuuuuuuut give them some time...and they'll re-think that for sure. Now, I'm talking about knowing the intricacies of yourself...not only what your moral core entails, but why you act the way you do, your emotional needs, your abilities and how you express them and so on.
It was only back in 2011-2012 that I was finding out I had done things a BIT wrong. For some reason...I never understood what us Communication Majors call "emotional intelligence". This is understanding your emotions, being able to recognize them and fully express them at appropriate times and places. At least...that is kind of my spin on the definition. http://www.queendom.com/tests/access_page/index.htm?idRegTest=3037 - here is a CRAZY LONG emotional intelligence test. I started it and got through about the first 15 questions - patience is still something I'm working on ;) ...there are like 146 questions or something there so...if you have time and have a strong desire to know your emotional intelligence, the results may be interesting! So...back to my story I kinda started! I went through a type of personality crisis back in 2011-12 and spent a long time figuring myself out, whatever that means. I spent more time alone in about a year than I had spent collectively in all of my living years previous to that. I gave myself time to think - about why I wasn't as happy as I used to be, about what I really wanted and who I really was. Had I spent my whole life as the entertainer at the party when I didn't always feel like being that way? I was extremely confused and gave myself time to think, ponder and pray.
1 Corinthians 14:33 - "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the Saints." Heavenly Father teaches us that His spirit will bring us peace. As we seek his peace we will find clarity, as his way is not to lead us to confusion. I also love that this scripture points out in all churches of the Saints - no matter your religion - if God's spirit does not bring you a sense of peace, serenity and calm assurance, then something is incorrect. His way is never one of boasting, pride, or of being overzealous. I know that when the spirit is strong in my life, I am full of pure joy and faith in my Heavenly Father's plan for me. I may sometimes wonder what a correct decision is for me at the time, but this does not mean I am confused. I know that as I make decisions and move forward with those decisions with a prayer in my heart, the spirit (Holy Ghost) will confirm to me whether that decision is correct or not. If it is not correct, I make another decision and once again go through the process. When I have followed this pattern in my life to the best of my ability, I have been lead to make correct decisions.
I know this, but sometimes it's easy to forget. I have definitely not always prayed about big decisions before making them, and sometimes my prayers have not been approached correctly.
At the time I was trying to figure out who I was inherently - yes, I believe in an "essential" self, as I know that I existed as a spirit child before coming to this earth - and who I wanted to be. I sought the guidance of the spirit, family and close friends, mostly in that order. Yes, I sought professional counseling and also used the gym as my counselor, working with a personal trainer to meet fitness goals...this last thing helped immensely, more than I would have expected! When in a time of sadness, or trial, setting a new health or fitness goal truly makes a difference. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise/MH00043 - read here how exercising improves depression and mental illness.
The reason I am even sharing all of this, and I know I'm writing alot so bear with me - is, since I have gotten to know myself better, my emotional intelligence has improved - I am able to recognize when I need time away to allow myself a moment of sadness or "down time"...or even just time to be by myself or just with family doing absolutely nothing. The hard part is when I don't have time for downtime.
Let me tell you, if you do not plan time for YOU...YOU will not survive. Give yourself time to sit, ponder, pray, meditate, commune, whatever you need to do to center yourself! For me...I would love a temple trip. Every time I plan one I seem to have some huge homework assignment come up or work happens......BUT.....I will make it there, because I have to for my own sanity :)
Things I love to keep myself centered, focused, calm and peaceful
1) Constant prayer - always helps :)
2) Good, supportive family and friends :)
3) The Gym (I need to remember this one because I don't go often enough!!)
4) Hot Yoga (Ok...this one would help - this is a reminder...I have only been once since I got my Groupon :)
5) Baths - seriously
6) NOT homework :)
Long post...I promise...when I thought about writing it...it had more of a point :)
Tuesday, March 19
Also, although I am definitely an independent child, I have definitely grown closer to my mom and step-dad this time around. Going through a time of figuring myself out a bit more has caused me to be more in-tune with others as well, and has definitely caused a closer relationship with my family in many ways...I love them so much!