Hi! I'm a Latter-Day-Saint (Mormon)...but I'm definitely not typical...

Monday, February 7

Broken Much?

What's not a surprise?

Well, that I blog about my life on the internet...so openly. That's not a surprise. Everyone says I think out loud...for a fact, I know I do. Thoughts don't really exist in my head in a complete FORMED thought until I talk them out. I know...I'm weird.

Number two not a surprise is the fact that, yesterday I could be dating someone...and, now... I could not be. You take that as you may. And...yes...>> you're right.

I'm just going to put a little interjection in here and say that I pray that the guy/man/boy...whatever... that I end up marrying one day will completely appreciate this blog for what it is...fun :)...because I'm a super open person. The fact is that I need a FORUM to express how I feel!! Do you understand what I mean? ;)

And how I feel is...I don't know...confusion. I'm super content in almost all areas of my life right now. Work is great, friends are superb, church is heavenly ;) and my bills are getting paid off! Besides that, I guess everything else is the same so I shouldn't be surprised.

But the fact is, that I haven't found a man that loves me for me! I have a wonderful brother that says I never stay with a guy long enough to let him know the real me...thanks, brother...you're awesome...and you're right...I need to put more effort into relationships and not just move on when they're not fun anymore.

And this last time, I really feel like I did! I feel that I put more effort into it this time than I ever have before. And, well that makes me feel good about myself...but also disappointed that it didn't bring more results...just more confusion. But...maybe next time? I have learned patience and effort are key. It's not always a cake walk people!...but I know it gets better :)

The fact is...I am who I am!! I'm fun, spontaneous, flirtatious, tall, blonde, old....er....*ha*, adventurous, smart and somewhat talented :). But I also have my negatives! I'm talkative (too much at times), overwhelming, impatient, opinionated, quick to react and I'm sure many other things! BUT I'm completely willing to work on these things. Some things make me...well...ME. I won't give those things up - not for anything or anyone. But, other things aren't as important! Although I like being talkative, sometimes it's overwhelming...there are pluses and negatives people. We all need to be willing to sacrifice to become our best selves. We can't hold on to those things about us that hold us back from becoming GREAT. A patient, loving, caring man makes me even greater and want to change those things about myself that aren't so great.

So, don't be afraid! Stop settling for the less-than-great you....because you're sublime...superb and there's always someone that loves you for you, and sees your potential! I love you for you...for sure ;)

You know, I was going to write a lot more...but I feel good about ending it on this note....
Answer me this!...
Who has made you even greater?...and how??


  1. Dear Jamee, your blog is always fun to read. I know lots of couples, who like to read each others diaries about their early dating days and have great fun with that-so you should be fine ;).

    To answer your question, who has made me greater and how?:
    Ironically it's the people who have tried to sabotage me (no I'm not paranoid)and hurt me over the years. They made me greater, by challenging me to rise up, because they taught me that I have to stand up for myself; that being myself should not depend on the opinions and expectations of others. In recent years they, who told me I was weak and not enough, made me see my own strength and helped me reclaim my identity. As angrily as I occasionally may speak of these individuals, they gave me back my freedom; and in trying to drive me crazy, restored to me my most treasured possession: My mind. What does not kill you, makes you stronger. :)

    So in conclusion: Being you the way you are is absolutely fine(the little improvements we all could use notwithstanding, haha). Nobody can tell you how to be "you", nobody can be better at "being you", than you yourself. As I like to say: I'm me, I can be nothing else.
    A spiritual thought, since you like those so much:God himself reportedly introduces himself as "I am, the I am". That always meant to me: "I am me, I couldn't possibly summarize in a few paragraphs what that entails. If you want to know what exactly being "me" is all about, you'll just have to get to know me!"

    Take care! And maybe there's hope for that relationship yet? Maybe talk it over? It sounded like there was hope in your post! ;) In any case, this is not the end of the line, right? Good luck! :)

  2. My blog will have my comments...later. I love you to infinity and beyond!!