Tuesday, April 23
I Am Beautiful
Tonight I looked at the night sky, which looked very similar to this, and thanked Heavenly Father for all of my wonderful blessings.
I would be remiss if I did not share some of the things that I have been feeling lately with all of you...or...the internet world...haha. This has become more of my journal, but I definitely need to pull out my actual personal journal and detail my experiences for my posterity...side note...check.
First of all, I want to point out how grateful I am that Heavenly Father has put me through the ringer. That seems odd, I know! I am so grateful for all of the awful and difficult times that I have been through. I know that without these difficult times, I wouldn't understand how amazing my life and my blessings can be!
Why is it so difficult sometimes to see the good in ourselves? Why does it seem that we need others in our lives to tell us those good things? There has been a video that was put out by Dove that has become viral...see it here - https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?v=177481002407692. My sweet, sweet older brother posted it to my Facebook wall and it made me quite emotional. I don't necessarily believe that this is a problem that only women face, although I believe it may be more obvious or prominent with us. We ALL compare ourselves either to others or who we WANT to become and beat ourselves up over...what?? Not being perfect?? Not measuring up to OTHERS expectations?? Let me tell you - PAUSE. Seriously...pause and REFLECT! Take in all that is good around you, and about yourself. It is not always easy...but if you actually listen to what other people have to say about you that is good, and go to your Heavenly Father in prayer and ask Him to help you see these things, then you will see them! I know, some people may be reading this who do not believe in prayer or God or what have you, but I am sure that you have a way to connect to whatever spiritual beliefs that you hold. Meditate. Ponder. See yourself for all that is good about you...and realize that we all have imperfections...and your life will be so much happier!
Mind you - it took me a good year, at least, to accomplish this. It was a daily task! For that long, I was only able to see my weaknesses and failures and it took effort. It will. That is ok. I believe in you. I love you.
So...with that said! Wow...I love to go on tangeants....these past few days my eyes have been opened to my Heavenly Father's plan for me in this life. It absolutely amazes me beyond words how much he loves and cares for each one of us...and even for me! As I said before, I am so grateful for my trials, because without them...I would not be where I am now. My life has been full of much heartbreak, a few failed engagements and disappointments. I have always felt that everyone has their own specific lot in life...whether heartbreak, death, sickness or other types of trials. I have not really experienced having someone extremely close to me pass away, nor have I endured much sickness (besides a bum knee). Heavenly Father has allowed my heart to be toyed with, pulled on, stomped on and taken advantage of. But he has also allowed it to be filled with love on numerous occassions.
I have always been interested in boys. Since I can remember I have thought they were just the neatest and cutest and attractive things on the planet. Yes, I was always one of those annoying girls who chased the boys around on the playground, and who seemed to always have a different "boyfriend" all throughout elementary school. I am not sure where this stemmed from, but I now see I was trying to fill some void possibly in the wrong way. I cannot answer the "how many boys have you kissed?" or "how many boyfriends have you had?" questions. Honestly...I hate them. They are pointless to me. There is more that matters. And I have no idea. I didn't understand what I was doing. I wish that I had.
As I have gotten older I have understood the important of relationships and respecting myself more. I must live to deserve what I want in this life - BECOME who I want to marry. This takes work, patience and diligence.
I have been blessed lately for trying. I have been fulfilled in my heart. I have been told how beautiful I am and how special I am. I have not understood how important it is to hear these things until now, and so often.
So tonight, as I was looking at the night sky, after having read the most amazing thing and realized my most amazing blessings, I thanked Heavenly Father for my trials, as it has made me more grateful for my blessings.
I am FULL of love. And...it is so peaceful finally. OH....and exciting. I love you all!!!