Hi! I'm a Latter-Day-Saint (Mormon)...but I'm definitely not typical...

Sunday, April 18


FIRST of all.....

No wonder dating is SO hard these days!! If any of you have seen the poll results, our views of the roles during the courting "process" are SCREWED UP. Out of the 5 guys that took the poll...3 wanted to be chased! WHAT?! NO...nononono...this is NOT right. Only 1 out of the 9 girls that took the poll wanted to chase...the rest...as it should be...wanted to be hunted!

Look men...you are MADE to be the hunters. As the above picture shows...women want to be found, loved, taken care of, nurtered and protected. This is how we were CREATED as a race. Inherently...men have been given that "hunter/gatherer" gene, and women...the desire to be found...and wooed by that handsome, caring, loving man. Of course, there will always be exceptions! Every once in awhile, there will be a girl that likes to do the chasing more than being chased, and vice-versa...BUT...this is much more rare.

It is no wonder that the divorce rate in this world is over 50%...probably even higher now since I checked. Even in my religion...the Mormon religion...we are getting married at higher ages, having less children, and have a 50% divorce rate!

THE PROBLEM - It all started with women's suffrage. We wanted an equal voice! And, that is the way it should have always been. But, there was a confusion in the process. Feminism came to play...there are many different branches/types/layers of feminism, some being radical, post-modern, first, second and third wave feminism. They are VERY different. Many things I agree with and many I do not. I believe there is absolute necessity for everyone's voices to be heard in the scholarly world, business world....etc....and that women's voices are finally beginning to be heard, BUT...there has been HUGE confusion on the subject of courting. Men have been VERY mislead through all this, thinking that if women wanted to be equal, then they must not want things to be done for them...opening doors, pulling out chairs, ordering the meal...and even asking on dates. I have spoken to many younger girls who find it completely normal to ask guys on dates on a regular basis. WHOA!! THAT is where the problem is! Now, our men have grown up and will continue to grow up confused unless we clear this up! Men who still know what it is to be a man will find you! (Now men...I know you are men :)

A few good friends have taught me some really great things recently--->
- Be patient, and the right man will find YOU...i.e....he will ask you out!...flirt it up! :)
- It will only end right, if it starts right.

Now, I am not trying to take all of the responsibility away from the women! Guys, don't think that at all! Women, watch the old movies! Even then, the women flirted their way into the men's hearts! They did not EXPECT that the guy should just KNOW to ask them out! Men aren't mind readers, you know! Flirt, dress up, wear makeup...and make it pretty obvious that you like them! They'll pick up on the hints eventually.... :) That IS our responsibility. Don't play stupid, idiotic, high school games and make them wonder....that is just ridiculous. There will always be flirtatiousness and small game-playing to keep things alive...but make sure they know how you FEEL.

That is my rant!

PS...little other thing that has recently bothered me...please please...DON'T, in the first conversation with a cute person, decide your future! I was talking to a guy the other night...last night...who decided to already decide in his mind...our FIRST time hanging out...that we could never be married. WHAT?!....WOW...jumping the gun, much?! Can we please just have fun and enjoy each-other's company and then if something is meant to happen...down the road...it happens?! Stop being so serious people, and have FUN! (Even I know that dating is meant to be fun...even if sometimes it isn't :)



  1. I think it's possible to know if it would work out on the first date if you see a mismatch in values. I'm not sure about someone making that decision based on personality...that sounds a little far-fetched.

    My church has also said there's a 50% divorce rate even with Christians, but I haven't seen any actual data that distinguishes between religious and non-religious and shows actual numbers.
    From my highly unscientific guesstimation, I think the core problem here-- assuming it exists-- is that today's Christian is socialized to be just like secular folk, often times. We watch movies, watch TV, listen to songs and watch friends and co-workers constantly use this model for marriage where happiness in the now is paramount and the sacred bond of marriage is more like Til Boredom Do Us Apart.

    But don't get me wrong, I think you're spot-on with the courting issue. Guys have now been feminized...society keeps telling them that masculinity is silly or unimportant, and guys didn't have the male leadership figures they needed growing up to think otherwise.

    Of course I say all of this as a sub-par dater myself...I'm mixed on the current dating system, and wonder if there isn't a more efficient way of doing things.

  2. Jamee you have this right on! As a man I prefer to do the asking out of the dates. I prefer to make the first move. Men are meant to be like heroes there to find the girl and save her.

    I like a girl that presents a challenge but not girls that leave me guessing if they are really interested or not because they do not communicate.

  3. ok on this one. jamee you're right and i really agree with brad's comment. i feel like i need to add this tidbit about divorce and reasoning.
    divorce happens because it's an option. people like to keep their options open. if when one got married, they really MEANT their vows and didn't think of divorce as an option, divorce wouldn't be so prevelant (sp?). love isn't a feeling. i know that's what we all think because we "fall in love", but really... that's your choice too. if you choose not to fall in love with someone, you won't do it. you can have an immediate attraction to someone and you can choose to love them as soon as that happens, but LOVE IS A CHOICE.
    i know there are lots of different kinds of love, but think about your love for your parents. and think about growing up. sometimes it was hard and sometimes you felt like you hated them (i mean, i did!), but did you just up and move out? no, because you couldn't. (i mean, i couldn't) and did that "hatred" go away? yeah, when emotions simmered and the situation was fixed. the same goes with ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.
    however, both parties involved need to realize this concept. both parties involved need to have the commitment to choose to love eachother 100% solid, forever. and then, it really helps to keep Christ at the center of the relationship, always focusing on Him, and going to Him for help and guidance.
    this may be more than a mere tidbit, but it's what i needed to point out. the more i go through life, the more i realize that not everyone knows this simple concept. love is a choice.

  4. also, (because i'm on a roll), biblically the woman's role in a relationship is to RESPECT her man while a man's role in the relationship is to LOVE his woman.
    women are always putting all the heart and mind and soul into loving her man while the men are putting all their efforts into respecting his woman and making sure she feels respected. therefore the women are always feeling unloved and men are always feeling disrespected.
    life is all about relationships and you can always find all the answers in His Holy Word.
    i hope i'm not coming across as a know-it-all. because i don't. i don't know nearly it all or even hardly at all. ;)